The Story of Us

To whom it may concern,                    It's taken me years to figure out what to say to you. Will you please just keep reading? I've also taken days to figure out what to write here. I would like to make these points to you and I would like you to at least give me the opportunity to do so. I know why you're still mad at me. I broke your heart and somehow, broke a promise. If the first part is wrong, then I apologize profusely. I've tried apologizing to you in prior years. Somehow it didn't work. I've grieved you and I can't believe that the person I grieved you to, became who they are currently (that's for another day). I have a couple (a few?) reasons as to why I'm writing to you. We've known each other over 20 years; maybe 25-30 years. Okay, on to the reasons. You have no reason to be that upset at me. You say I broke a promise. Okay. I did. I acknowledge that and take full responsibility for it. Do you remember January of your senior year?

Wait... what? Loving not my child? Melissa, that doesn't make sense. Come on a journey with me please, as I explain what's happening in foster care. Imagine if you will: You're a 13 year old girl and you're the oldest. Your little brother is 5 years old, your little sister is 9 months old. You know that Mom sleeps a lot. And there are a lot of new 'uncles' that come around. A couple of them have done things to you that you have no reason to believe is appropriate for them to do to you, but you've been told that your mommy will die or get hurt if you say anything to anyone about what's happened or happening. One day while you're home from school and Mom is asleep again on the couch, the cops are banging on the door. Mom says not to answer the door to anyone, especially the cops. So you take your brother and sister upstairs to a closet and hide. It's hard to hide when your baby sister won't stop crying because she's hungry and your brother

 It's become very blatantly obvious that people don't always understand the Lord. I'm going to say that I'm one of those people. There are things I don't understand about the Lord. I have a point though. Please follow along carefully. Hebrews 13:8-16 NKJV Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Do not be carried about with various and strange doctrines. For it is good that the heart be established by grace, not with foods which have not profited those who have been occupied with them. We have an altar from which those who serve the tabernacle have no right to eat. For the bodies of those animals, whose blood is brought into the sanctuary by the high priest for sin, are burned outside the camp. Therefore Jesus also, that He might sanctify the people with His own blood, suffered outside the gate. Therefore let us go forth to Him, outside the camp, bearing His reproach. For here we have no continuing city, but we seek the one to come. Therefore by Him l

 So I've got several nieces and nephews. My youngest sister has four (4) young'uns and one (1) on the way. I'll never forget when she finally had a girl and she was so excited! All her kids are hilarious! The little girl is the only girl my youngest sister will ever have. I do wish I could see them more often. But life. And if I could get to know them better, I would. To all of those kids, I've got my own advice for them as well. Pick your battles carefully. Your family is always around. No matter what happens, pick up the phone and call your mom. If you're able call your grandparents. You'll never know how much you will miss it until they're gone. How I wish I could tell all of you about Grandmother and Granddaddy Garner and how I wish you could've met them! The memories I have of them are amaing and me telling you about them doesn't do any justice. And in the words of Bob Dylan,  May God bless and keep you always May your wishes all come true May y

 When I found out my sister was having a second child, I was so happy! After the birth of my niece, I knew that I could love another child just the same. We had a gender reveal party to find out what my sister was having the second time around.  He came out with one dimple in his right cheek. He was completely bald; outside of just peach fuzz. His little head was so perfect! Between the ages of birth to 3 years old, my nephew was the CUTEST baby! And he knew it! We all doted on him and his sister. My youngest sister had a boy as her first child and he's a cutie patootie as well! But that's for another day.  My first nephew has me wrapped around his little finger and he knows it! He lovingly calls me Aunt Mimi and I love it! He makes everyone laugh because he takes after his daddy. Every child has phrases they say as they grow up and I'll never forget a couple of his. The first time I laid eyes on my oldest nephew, I fell in love at first sight all over again! I couldn't

November 2011. My sister and her husband announced her first pregnancy. I was so excited to be an aunt! We found out she was having a girl!  June 2012. We were all at the hospital waiting for her to make her arrival. My sister was wheeled into surgery to have a C-section and we waited down the hall. All 7 of us waited. Until we heard, from down the hall, a loud baby scream and cry. She was here! All 9 lbs 6 oz and 21 inches of her!  Her father wheeled her out as her mother was finishing in surgery. One look at her and I believed, at that very moment, in love at first sight. I hadn't ever believed it before seeing her face. What was it about this new child that made me fall in love that fast? She was so beautiful and she still is beautiful! Dimples and all.  I won't ever forget that moment though! Her sweet chubby cheeks and her swaddled in a blanket. Her mother came out of surgery and we got to talk. She was so happy and exhausted at the same time. I'd never seen my sister

 It's not easy being in the state of health … or lack thereof … that I'm currently experiencing. I've never had to do dialysis before. I always thought that was for poor people. Or those who can't eat normally. Well, here I am. Not eating normally and on dialysis. Am I angry? Yes. At myself. I wasn't taking care of myself. I had the flu twice in the same year, had an upper respiratory infection for 10 months (while being in childcare), experienced COVID-19, and I still wasn't taking care of myself. Not outside of normal visits to the doctor for all the things that I was getting (see illnesses listed above). If not for my wonderful husband, I wouldn't be alive.  He dragged me kicking and screaming literally to the doctor when I had my upper respiratory infection. I did kick him and I did scream at him. Yet, I still went to the doctor. Now if I'd gotten the help I need sooner, maybe my life would be different. But I digress. Living with the health issues I

 I've been out of pocket for awhile. I was in the hospital a second time due to some breathing issues and I'm beginning to heal from that. What was wrong with my breathing? Well, a chest tube and 4 liters of fluid later, my left lung is finally clear and I'm able to actually breathe. I don't feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest and I'll be able to get my peritoneal surgery in a week.  So what am I waiting for? And how long must I wait? Transplants are in the next one to two years. I never thought I'd ever need a transplant for anything. Seriously. Never in my life did I believe that I would need a transplant. A kidney isn't an easy thing to find. People aren't on the street corners just handing out kidneys. If only it were that easy, right? My family is being tested. I'm fairly certain I'll get one from a family member before I get one from a stranger. Only God knows. Lord willing, I'll find one sooner than later.  I've had a lot

 I've done lots of sitting. I haven't had my surgery for the peritoneal catheter for my stomach yet. That's set for later this month (March 2023). While sitting in the facility to do my dialysis, I can't do anything or go anywhere for 4 hours at a time. When I get my PD, I'll do it at night at home while I sleep; so I have that advantage. While I'm sitting for 4 hours at a time, I play on my phone, crochet, do crossword puzzles, read.  Most of all, I pray. I talk to God about all the things. How frustrated I am at myself, I ask for healing, i ask for patience, and most of all I praise God for the opportunity to have this life saving treatment. I also praise and thank God for the man that has stood by my side for the last 6 1/2 years. Josh and I will celebrate 7 years in September this year. And if not for him, I'd more than likely have lost my life. He's held my hand through all of this.  Right now, we've got lots of decisions we're trying to mak

 I was finally able to shower all by myself. I know I'm an adult. After all this time in the hospital and having Josh help me shower, I was able to do it by myself. I was also able to tie my own shoes. It's amazing what is taken for granted as a normal everyday life. Showers, tying shoes, brushing hair.  There are several things I've done for years on my own without fail. For example, taking a shower. Or even brushing my hair. Why am I talking about that? Well, let me show you. After having a port put in my chest, I had lots to relearn. Like taking a shower. And brushing my hair.  So what is it about being all by myself that makes it harder? I've depended on Josh to do a lot. He's taken care of me to the inth degree. Helping with housework, doing dishes, tying my shoes, and even helping wash my hair. I asked him why he's helped me so much and his response should not have surprised me. "In sickness and in health; you're sick." If I could tell you wh

 When in dialysis, I have to sit for four (4) hours with my thoughts. I'm not alone when I do it. There are others getting dialysis in the center with me, but we're kind of in our own worlds. I'm waiting to get my other procedure in order to do dialysis at home. Right now I'm doing outpatient dialysis. Between medications, going to the center, being bored for a few hours, I'm doing really well.  With the time on my hands, I've been praying a lot. About my treatment, healing of others, money, my marriage, and anything else that crosses my mind. I spend most of my time in dialysis crocheting any project I have going at the moment. With every stitch, comes a prayer. So you'd think in four hours, I'm praying the whole time. I do take a small break in order to rest my arms. Does it seem ridiculous to pray for four solid hours? No. 1 Thess 5:17 says, "Pray without ceasing." Doing it for just four hours is not enough. Since I'm currently at home,

February 8, 2023. I woke up at about 3:45 am and Josh was getting ready for work. I cried and told him that something in my gut told me not to go to work that day. I had a doctors appointment and he agreed to take me. He asked that I be ready by 9:45 am to be on time. I agreed and went back to sleep. He arrived at home right on time and woke me up. My first words were, "What are you doing here? Why aren't you at work?" I was confused. I knew I had a doctor appointment but I was wondering why he was at home.  My doctor wanted to see my lab work because I was lethargic, had trouble breathing, and had to have Josh push me in a wheelchair. Walking was difficult without stopping to catch my breath. My lab work came back rather quickly and my doctor wanted me to see the nephrologist the same day. We went to the store and then went home. I sat on the couch and began to fall asleep. The phone rang and I didn't want to answer it. Josh made me answer it. I went to the nephrolog