Loving not my child

Wait... what? Loving not my child? Melissa, that doesn't make sense. Come on a journey with me please, as I explain what's happening in foster care.

Imagine if you will: You're a 13 year old girl and you're the oldest. Your little brother is 5 years old, your little sister is 9 months old. You know that Mom sleeps a lot. And there are a lot of new 'uncles' that come around. A couple of them have done things to you that you have no reason to believe is appropriate for them to do to you, but you've been told that your mommy will die or get hurt if you say anything to anyone about what's happened or happening. One day while you're home from school and Mom is asleep again on the couch, the cops are banging on the door. Mom says not to answer the door to anyone, especially the cops. So you take your brother and sister upstairs to a closet and hide. It's hard to hide when your baby sister won't stop crying because she's hungry and your brother begins to cry out of fear. The closet door opens and a tall person is there. A soothing voice rings out, saying, "It's okay, you're safe now." The cop takes you to his car, gives you and your siblings snacks. Mom is being put into another police car and doesn't even know where you three are at the moment. She looks so sleepy and angry because she had to wake up.

Fast forward four hours later. My phone rings and it's a case manager. "It's a sibling set of three. A 13 year old girl, a 5 year old boy and a 9 month old baby girl. They'll be here in a matter of minutes." I wake up my husband to let him know what's happening and he gets dressed along side me. I make my way to the office and find the case manager. I ask important details about the case that are necessary information. I have beds made, snacks at the ready, and clothes ready to wear. Moments like this are never really prepared for, but I'd like to think about how much of an impact I can make, even if the child or children are in my care for sheer moments. When you show up with your siblings, you look exhausted, scared, and hungry. I offer my hand to your brother and your baby sister. Both shy away and I use a soothing voice, saying, "You're safe now. It's okay." I have been praying since I picked up the phone from the case manager. Praying that you are going to be okay in my care and you will accept my open home and open arms. Your tear stained face tells me everything I need to know. You're crying tears of relief, but also tears of pain and exhaustion. You miss your mother, yes. However, you're relieved that you can go to school and not have to worry about your siblings eating or getting clean clothes. I show you the rooms your siblings will be sleeping in and when you see your own room, you begin to sob quietly. My husband helps me comfort all 3 of you and when I ask if you're alright, you quietly say that you're so happy to have your own room and your own bed. 

I've had several people ask me how I foster. Or how I have fostered. I will factiously say, "Lots of prayer and lots of chocolate."  Prayer has a lot to do with it! The first 3-4 months that my husband and I did foster care, I cried every day. Seriously! Every. Day. My husband, being the supportive and loving man that he is, said that I needed to find a stress reliever. And I did. I found a way to channel my feelings of anger and sadness into taking care of the children in a loving way. We became creative and helped several children in our care become someone they can see themselves being. Going to school, getting tutoring, going to church, playing soccer or basketball (or both), making friends, healing from the trauma, and most importantly, learning about the love of Jesus Christ. 

thank you for going down this road with me. Until next time... May the Lord bless you and keep you.