News good or bad?

 My application for a kidney transplant where I live has been put through. I have an education with a surgeon, a therapist, and a social worker on August 8, 2025. I've got most of what's on the list done. Medical procedures and such that need to be done. However, I'm scared. I have been told that getting a biopsy would be possibly dangerous because I've got scarring on my kidneys. And if you know anything about a biopsy, it causes more scarring. 

I'll be asking questions. And let's think about that for a minute. How often would you like an answer or two and you don't ask a question? Ignorance isn't always bliss. And insanity isn't always euphoria. My whole life I've been the type of person that is afraid to ask for help. Now that it's life or death, I'll be asking all the questions. All the questions all the time. I almost feel like a pest, but I'm not really sure I care at this point. I finally have an evaluation with a surgeon and other staff to see if I can get on the list. Or just a transplant. All my eggs are in the Lord's basket. My faith is weary sometimes, I'm physically and mentally weary. The Lord has brought me through all of this so far and I'm at the thought now that if the Lord calls me home, then it's my time to go. My family will be sad. I know they will. I am happy that they also believe in the Lord faithfully and are practicing their faith on a daily basis. My only fear is that my nieces and nephews only have so many memories of me, BUT they have some memories to hang on to for the rest of their lives. I'm glad that I've been in their lives this far. 

I've got some goals in mind to get on the transplant list. I'm not active on the list, but I'm considered to be on the list. If that makes any kind of sense. I go back to my faith. Often. However, with my depression and anxiety, I get lost on my own brain. What? Lost in my own brain? Go with me on a small journey. In my brain, I see it as a library and cafe with files, books, and photos. Do you remember that scene in Bruce Almighty? He opens the filing cabinet, and it goes on for miles. That's what happens when I get lost in my own brain. And I'll let you know I'm thankful I have the Holy Spirit because He'll take me by the hand, whisper that I'm fine, sets me down, closes the cabinet, and just sits with me. I cry, I pout, I scream, I whine. After about a day or two, my tantrum is over. And that's exactly how I view it. It's a tantrum. I get in all my feelings, and I tell myself I'm not worthy of any love. The only thing I'm not worthy of is the sacrifice that Jesus Christ made for me and His grace and mercy. 

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