All by myself

 I was finally able to shower all by myself. I know I'm an adult. After all this time in the hospital and having Josh help me shower, I was able to do it by myself. I was also able to tie my own shoes. It's amazing what is taken for granted as a normal everyday life. Showers, tying shoes, brushing hair. 

There are several things I've done for years on my own without fail. For example, taking a shower. Or even brushing my hair. Why am I talking about that? Well, let me show you. After having a port put in my chest, I had lots to relearn. Like taking a shower. And brushing my hair. 

So what is it about being all by myself that makes it harder? I've depended on Josh to do a lot. He's taken care of me to the inth degree. Helping with housework, doing dishes, tying my shoes, and even helping wash my hair. I asked him why he's helped me so much and his response should not have surprised me. "In sickness and in health; you're sick." If I could tell you why that response surprised me, I would tell you. It just did. I never expected to be on dialysis at this point in my life. At 42 years old, I should be able to just live my life normally. But what is normal really? 

Of course, I say that after working in the foster care system. Normal is one's own perception. My new normal is showering differently, having more help than I expected from Josh, living with medication, and being in and out of the doctors office monthly. I'll be doing it all by myself if necessary. 


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